Hollywood heartthrob and Maynooth’s favorite son, Paul Mescal, has officially purchased Maynooth Castle for an undisclosed—but astronomically eye-watering—sum. The actor plans to transform the 13th-century Norman stronghold into his personal bachelor pad, complete with moody lighting, GAA training nets, and a strict no-shoes policy.
While tourists are thrilled they might catch a glimpse of the superstar on the battlements, the acquisition has sparked panic among the local commuter belt. Rumors are swirling that Mescal intends to convert the ancient moat into a VIP-only beer garden, and the iconic Keep is reportedly being remodeled into an open-plan “sad boy” sanctuary.
Only time will tell if Maynooth’s newest landlord will play the benevolent ruler or spend his days leaning against the portcullis and brooding.
