The Maynooth Tidy Towns committee has called an emergency meeting following a formal protest by a flock of local mallards. The birds are demanding a dedicated “Duck Lane” on the gridlocked Dublin Road.
Traffic ground to a halt yesterday morning when over forty ducks marched shoulder-to-shoulder past the Carton Avenue gates. They bypassed a line of stationary vehicles, including the deeply frustrated passengers of the 139 bus. Witnesses claim the flock made the journey from the Royal Canal to the Maynooth University South Campus in record time, beating the public transit route by an embarrassing twenty minutes.
“It is a matter of basic efficiency,” quacked a spokesduck through a student translator outside The Roost pub. “Humans sit in metal boxes emitting carbon emissions, while we maintain a steady, aerodynamic waddle. We deserve infrastructure.”
The ducks have specifically requested a green-painted lane running from the Harbour Field, past the Manor Mills Shopping Centre, and straight through the historic St. Patrick’s College archway.
Local commuters have expressed mixed reactions. “I was sitting on the bus near Brady’s clock tower, completely stopped, when this mallard just overtook us on the inside,” said local student Sean Higgins. “He gave me a look of pure, unadulterated smugness. Honestly, I respect the hustle.”
While the University’s Green Campus committee has expressed standard corporate sympathy for the avian commuters, Maynooth Tidy Towns officials remain highly skeptical. “We simply cannot have webbed feet disrupting the floral displays on Main Street,” stated an anonymous committee member.
As negotiations stall, the ducks have threatened to occupy the university’s library fountain during upcoming exam weeks. For now, motorists are advised to look out for low-flying commuters near the Glenroyal Hotel.
